Archive for humor

Creation Math – The Flood and Reforming of the Earth

Posted in Religion, Reviews/Analysis, Science/Technology with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on 2009/08/11 by darkshrouds

I had to do the calculations on this picture. I couldn’t resist.

From SSACON2009

Ok, here are the assumptions. The global flood lasted 1 year and 10 days or 375 days or 9000 hours. (From Gen 7.11 and Gen 8.14) Now, this is why creationist shouldn’t use figures. Because math is their downfall.

Science tells us that Pangaea was formed about 180 Million years ago. Now, I have scoured the Internet trying to find the relative speeds of the continents and such and haven’t been able to find them. However, it is known that the average movement of continents are about 2-7 cm per year (Kanamori, Hiroo & Emily E. Brodsky. “The Physics of Earthquakes.” Physics Today. (June 2001): 34.) This does not mean that the rates were not slower or faster in the past. They were from data we already have. India moved around 15 cm per year when colliding with Asia and some portions today move around 1 cm per year – North Atlantic. The average does however give a reasonable way to calculate the speed for these purposes.

What I’ve done. I’ve taken 2 cm per year, multiplied by 180 Million years, then divided by 32400000 seconds to determine just how fast the continents would have to go, at a minimum, during the flood. It comes out to 1.11 meters per second. If we take the faster of 7 cm per year, we end up with 3.89 meters per second.

Lets up this into perspective. This states that the plates on the earth were moving at least 2.5 to 8.7 miles per hour! Still not going crazy? Ok, I’m sure everyone has taken a bath. If you have ever put your hands at the bottom of the tub and moved them quickly away, you notice there is a sink where your hands used to be. Or perhaps you know what a tsunami is? They occur when earth reforms underwater. The movement here would have created huge sink holes and with respect to the large mountain ranges of the world, rises in the ocean along with large underwater currents. The large waves would have demolished any boat, ark, or vessel on the water because the seas would have been too high just by rocking the boat back and forth. The underwater currents would have created large currents going from the bottom all the way to the top.

One last comment here. Let us compare some easy rates. The fastest continent movement we have recorded is 15 cm per year (that I have found). The slowest in creationist theory is 1.11 meters per second or 35,004,960 meters per year. That is off by a factor of 23,336,640,000% and yes that is in BILLIONS of percent! That is effective of saying that effective of saying that the diameter of Jupiter is .61 meters and that if you want to get to Jupiter it is merely a car drive away, about 4 km at Jupiter and Earth’s farthest distance (928,081,020 km). It is effective of saying that the ENTIRE MILKY WAY GALAXY will fit WITH ROOM TO SPARE in the average orbit of Neptune! (Milky way galaxy number 4,070,851,673 km diameter with Neptune’s average orbit of 4,498,252,900 km).

Look, I am a calm and nice person generally. This is however complete crap. I won’t argue against creationism because your brain must be just too dense to understand basic math and analysis if you hold to it. I will ridicule and mock and laugh and treat creationist as children, because that’s what they are, children. They are children who need to be told that Santa Clause isn’t real, there aren’t fairies in the garden, there is no invisible man in the sky watching over them, and they aren’t better off believing in it.

Hope you all enjoyed!

Isaac Mills

Christians’ Literal Interpretation of The Bible Makes Them Not Christians

Posted in Religion with tags , , , , , , , on 2009/07/14 by darkshrouds

When I leave my house and traverse the downtown, I am constantly seeing religion out in force, attempting to gain new converts. Now I think they are insane, and since most of them are Christians who take the bible as the infallible word of God, I am focusing on parts of the Bible make them cringe to hear. First; however, I must first bow to George Carlin for a pithy reminder on religion. You can watch it here or read it below.

Religion has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there is an invisible man, living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day, and the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do, and if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place for you with fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever till the end of time…

but He loves you.

Now, I’m very amused by this little remark. I find it quite accurate as well. Now, I don’t deny that Jesus existed. He most likely did in the historical sense; however, he most definitely was not divine. To claim divinity, some evidence would be wonderful.

Now Christians will claim that God works in the world daily. Well let’s quote some scripture then to assist in my argument. Let’s start with a set of verses from Matthew.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door opened.
Which one of you would hand his son a stone when he asks for a loaf of bread,
or a snake when he asks for a fish?
If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father five good things to those who ask him.

This is basic. In shorter terms, if you pray and are a faithful follower, God will hear and answer your prayer as you desire. For it states that wicked people know how to give what their children ask of them, and because God is even better he will give it to you in even better form. Now I don’t have faith, but I know many people that I have argued with that do. Let us continue on shall we?

Again, a bit of Christian knowledge is that they are commissioned like the Twelve. To go forth and spread the Word an Message of Christ. Let us see exactly what the Twelve were told to do.

As you go, make this proclamation: “The kingdom of heaven is at hand.”
Cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse lepers, drive out demons. Without cost you have received; without cost you are to give.

Through the power of Christ and God – also the same – Christians have been given the ability to request and with divine intervention, bring others to their religion by calling upon the divine. If they are true Christians, their requests will be answered to give credence to their claims.

So this leads to a great question. Where are all the miracles? Where are the Christians going into hospitals, healing all the patients and bringing back the dead? There are claims that I have heard before that these miracles don’t happen anymore because they aren’t needed. Wait… I’m detecting a huge load of bullshit; however, let us see what their book says on this issue.

In 1 John 4:3 it is stated that “every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus does not belong to God. This is the spirit of the Antichrist…” and previously states “whoever says, ‘I know him,’ but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him,” (1 John 2:4) with the commandments expounded upon in 1 John 2:7, which clarifies that there is no “new commandment to you but an old commandment that you had from the beginning. The old commandment is the word that you have heard.”

So, I guess that if any person who says they are Christian or have a new heart or have been reborn, but sin against the ten listed below, is lying, and since the spirit of Christ is then not in them, they are that of Antichrist. Now the new heart is referenced by Ezekiel in many places but the greatest is Ezekiel 36:26-27.

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.

So the new heart is with God’s spirit, so my assertion above holds. So that’s what the problem is, there are no real Christians out there, just a bunch of people ranting about a book that they really like and it has become their world. Christians are just like Trekies, obsessed Tolkien fans, Scientologists, Muslims, etc, who believe that a fictional work, actually is real. We laugh at the Trekies and other overly obsessed people – such as people who claim Elvis is still alive and walking – and yet we have yet to laugh at these religious persons? Well I certainly do. Hopefully more people will join me.

Remember if a Christian still sins, they aren’t a Christian. If they say they don’t and can’t heal a person, drive out a demon, etc, to give credence, they aren’t a Christian either. Please let me know when someone finds one.


Isaac Mills

Sarah Palin At It Again…

Posted in Politics with tags , , , , on 2009/07/13 by darkshrouds

Sarah Palin seems to still enjoy making headlines, such as here

Mrs. Palin has made it evident that she wishes to be in the running for the Presidency.  I find this amusing in many regards.  She has damaged her ability to do so by leaving office due to political difficulties.

“The former Republican vice presidential nominee said she plans to write a book, campaign for political candidates from coast to coast — even Democrats who share her views on limited government, national defense and energy independence — and build a right-of-center coalition.

“I will go around the country on behalf of candidates who believe in the right things, regardless of their party label or affiliation,” she said during an interview published Sunday in The Washington Times.”

How interesting.  So Mrs. Palin expects to find Democrats that hold to the tenets of fiscal conservatism, pro-life, and the slew of Republican doctrines that she espouses.  I wish her luck in the bible belt, as that is the only area she will likely find support.  I look forward to the humor provided from her in the future.  I hope that her book will be written so that the book reviews may make me and others laugh.

I also found it wondrous that in the article this gem seeps in.

“The self-described hockey mom plans to write a memoir but declined to discuss any potential deal for her to become a television commentator.”

I fervently hope that she joins television hosts.  I personally would find it quite pleasing to have Mrs. Palin and Tina Fey go at it on the same show entitled “Who’s The Real Palin?” or perhaps a show more fitting entitled “Are You Smarter Than A Governor?”  I believe that many comedy shows would be quite put out as they will now have to become more ridiculous to counteract the actual news cycle.  I hope she becomes a news commentator as former Governor Huckabee did.  Her show on Fox News would be quite the work of seriousness on her part, and be more suited to Comedy Central in my opinon.

Enjoy this bit of news and hilarity.

Palin says she’s not leaving politics